Fond memories of the past : Closure?

Was sleeping over at Kai's place on Friday, when I had this dream of past fond memories.

Dreamt of the moments I spend with Jori. I remember smiling in my dream of how lucky I was to have such a caring girlfriend, how she baked a pizza for me, though I said it was normal, but deep down, I really appreciated her effort and moments of how we shared somewhat of some happy moments together.

I recalled blaming myself for not being able to send her home after our dates due to army commitments. I remember how one of her retard friends who kept spoiling the mood among us with his non-stop irritating persistence in planning for your future. I really loved her then, despite all the misgivings I heard from friends and how I should go for someone better, since we were both very different. Went through the tests that you put on me grudgingly, knowing full well the intentions. I hated that.

I felt sorry for the stupid jokes I cracked on you. I knew you would feel hurt, yet I didn't understand why did I did that. I have just myself to blame for changing the light you viewed me as. Somehow or rather, I seem to love seeing your sulky face then, but two days ago, all I could remember was your smile and laughter and couldn't sleep while reliving the times. Always thought about how irritating that song book on the table was.

I reminisced about how you found the SNAG magazine in my bag, and commented that such magazines brought about naughty thoughts. But why, would I fantasize about the women in the mag with you by my side..? It was not to be, since you were always smiling while we were out. Loved pinching your cheeks then. Sorry that sometimes I pinched too hard.

I thought back of the times that I sent you home on the train, with you dozing by my side and those two funny aunties who kept smiling at us. Didn't think you knew about it. Remembering those sweet times.

Thought about the final SMS that didn't sound like you. Thought about the final email that you sent. I really wanted to give you a proper reply then, but decided to stone thy heart as its often said. And yet, your are still somewhere there around my thoughts.

As I sat in the plane, leaving my past behind on that fateful day, I thought of you, wondering would there be any changes when I'm gone and back. Yeah, from what I last knew, you were happily attached. Congrats and hope life is still ongoing for you.

Alas. a year and half plus has passed since I shut down the old blog of my memories and yea, while sitting in the meadows with the Aussie cows in the secluded countryside, looking at the bright passing clouds in the bright blue skies through the visible shade of my hat, something triggered in my head that registered clearly, silently, with a hollowing via my heart.

Its February and I miss you.