Saturday, April 28, 2007

Hi Friend. Bye Friend. Really disappointed in you.

This entry is making me pissed even as I write it.

Machiam going out with my uncle and aunt for the fish and chips lunch with kevin was the best thing that happen today.

Got a bit light-headed after drinking with Uncle Albert and Kevin. Damn Paiseh. Coz its due to drinking white wine. Light headed cos of that.

Anyway time for the pissed off entry.

My friend wanted me to come along for his social event of Unimelb students. Bro, 1st thing to say, I go because I wanted to lend you support when you go for your function. And I don't appreciate you halfway siam because you have that kia-su mentality of people saying that you are a no life mugging student. You are what you present yourself to be, sincerely speaking, even if I'm not from Melbourne University, I also found that you can be very no life without trying even. So don't give people a chance to say you are a mugger by always showing that life sucks in school, money woes, education woes-kinda fuck up look. You need that look to tell people you have been busy studying is it? If this is the impression you show others, then don't complain about others.

And wake up. Your course has no life? Face it. Its YOU. YOU HAVE NO LIFE. Complaining you don't have a social circle, but when I try my best to improve it for ya, idea dumped because you wanna study, no money, but got money to go out with girls. You think there's a life in my course? Students come and go, no words exchanged, nothing said. I don't spend my time in the company of friends in my course, just for the sake of telling you, I spent most of my time shuffling in between lessons. You speak to your classmates in class, since you have a common topic. I don't. I'm not even close to comparing my education skills with anyone in the course. Small talk is what I do. I don't have a friend who takes 4 modules together with me. maybe 1, maybe 2 modules, thats all. Your life doesn't get interesting because others make it interesting. Make it interesting yourself. You want to know what I think of you now?

1. You dislike people calling you weak and unsettled? You make yourself look weak.
2. Always feeling pei chek? Then stop feeling so pessimistic. Look to the bright side of life.
3. Others have the advantage over you because of their background? Mugging for it is great. Just don't let it affect your life and the people around you.
4. I don't think everyone understands whats taught in the lecture. Stop being so hard on yourself. Thinking about it solves the problem? Cast it aside. Keep the good memories, dump the bad ones.
5. And fuck. You are not dumb. You just spend your time worrying about the side stuff. Get your focus
6. And you make me so freaking pissed by telling me that you don't want to go because you feel lethargic. Knn. But actually, you just cannot take it when people suan you.

In case you think I'm going because Ya Qi is there, please dump that thought. While going there, her being there is the last thing on my mind. I'm there to support this noodle-legged disappointment of a boy. This friend of mine whom I was so heng to meet in Melbourne. I don't pity him, in fact I find that if this stupid mentality of his is still around when I graduated, I might see him in the later pages of The Strait Times, just after the sports section. I don't want to see you there. I rather see you as the doc giving me the MC.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Life goes on.

Time passes by so fast. It's week 8 already. and most of my assignments are either due on week 9 or during week 10.

What should I do? I don't want to work with JP. He's just waiting for me to ask him to do the project. Grrr.

Now I'm currently helping the SSA as their photographer. I'm so not sure. Do I continue in the field of IT? Some parts of it interest me, but the programming part really bores me. Argh, cannot take it. But yet, I really love the computer security parts.

After coming here, somehow my definition of a dreamgirl has changed. Ha.
1. She must be as loving as I am to her. It takes two hands to clap.
2. Hopefully we share some common interests. Some memories to share.
3. She doesn't have to be of a certain height. Love matters, not height.
4. She doesn't mind a long distance relationship. I'll always think of u, no matter where are u.
5. I wish that she's someone who respects the older generation. And they will respect you.
6. Someone that is self-opinionated. I wouldn't want to date a stick.
7. She has to respect me and my decisions. And I will respect her with my heart.
8. No matter what happens, trust me. I will not betray your love.
9. She and me might have a common type of musical inclined interest. Music heals the soul.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Woo..an uneventful week at last.

Yay. Finally hit half the word limit for my Computer Security Control and Audit research paper. 1500 words.

Spent the whole of Saturday and Sunday typing for the research document. I hope I can finish it by the end of monday morning. Then I can go bind it and hand it up to Vic. I hope I'm doing correctly. No help for differences between an academic review and research paper. Confusion on my part maybe?

Why I wanna finish my assignment ASAP? Coz I need to revise for my modules, Closed test in May, together with Assignment dues in mid-May. I need good grades if I wanna stay here for postgrad studies and if I want a great career.

Yesterday, I was so freaking tulan with this classmate from my Web3d. Bloody hell, made me so #$^%^. She msged me on Msn asking me for my x3d codes, and to me, since the assignment date was already up, I just told her that no point to send her what. So guess what she did? She said ok. Then after awhile, she msged me on Skype to ask me the freaking exact same question with me giving the exact same answer. She said ok again. So I decided to ask her regarding the next assignment, and said that she was talking to her mom, so unable to chat with me.

This is when I almost blew up. KNN! YOU ASK ME A QUESTION, I ANSWERED. I ASK YOU BACK A QUESTION, YOU TELL ME YOU ARE BUSY. OK. YOU LOVE SAYING SORRY, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF SORRY IF ITS MEANT TO APOLOGIZE AGAIN AND AGAIN. THEN, YOU TELL ME YOU CANNOT CHAT WITH ME.

FUCK. GET THE POINT. I AM NOT CHATTING WITH YOU OR CHATTING YOU UP FOR THAT MATTER! I ONLY ASKED YOU HOW WERE YOU PROGRESSING. THATS ALL. IT WAS NOT MEANT TO "CHAT", I ASKED YOU A QUESTION BACK. YOU STARTED THE CONVERSATION!!
(If you don't know the meaning of the word, don't use it.)

Argh. Some people!

Anyway, I just joined the Singapore Student Association. Hope can have some fun from there!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Haven't blogged much lately.

Easter break passed so fast. Woo. Went to GOR with Jeffrey and friends, got alot of shots on the beautiful sunset. Got a new term "objectifying women".

Are some women really treated as objects by men? I tend to disagree. When I take a shot, I don't give a damn to objectifying stuff. I just wanna capture the moment of happiness. I can go to the Great Ocean Road anytime i want, but when I looked back. I won't remember, "Wah, it's a nice place.." I rather remember it as,"Now thats when I spent quality time with someone special."

When I take shots of people randomly, its not that I'm some sick voyeur out to get a sexual high from this, but rather, if I was a photographer, I would want you in my folio. Cuz your smile is mesmerizing, its something to think about the person, not in the object sense. I classify "objects" as dead stuff, things that don't give out warmth or feeling. People are living and breathing. Even stuff like a book isn't an object to me. Its a item that that contains feelings from someone. It's "living" to me too.

Haven't posted any pictures up this month too. Too busy with my assignments. Its really "Give one, take one." Managed to finish one really tough one on Thursday, decided to go clubbing. Funny thing was, I dislike RnB and House in singapore, But I kinda like the same genre in Melbourne. Blur. The clubbing scene here is awesome. Okay, maybe because the ones I frequent in SG are mainly popular with Bengs and Lians. But well, Thats besides the point. But now I realize Indonesian Chinese are really pretty. Monash somemore.

Why...RMIT why like that one?

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Not seeing the point.

Haiz, not seeing the point in doing some stuff.

Oh yeah, I just received this student card for watching movies at 9.50. Woohoo....so happy, but then I realized, there's no fun in watching romance comedies with guys. Rarely guys will appreciate romance comedies, even if they do, they rather go with a girl than go with another dude of the same sex, apart from the queer blokes. Some guys need love to carry on. Not sex.

(Oh...I really missed the times I spent during my attachment with Keddrick, my drag queen buddy. Just to note, I don't condone transsexuals or queers.)

Passiveness is the key to success? I don't know. Maybe in projects or partnerships where your party has the upper hand maybe. But then in a relationship or something in a wooing phase. Its not the case. Being too passive has its bad points too. A guy won't know whether is he wasting his time wooing you if there is no erm, feedback. In a relationship, yeah, some guys may get tired with the relationship if it becomes really stale. What do I mean by stale? It simply means that when your partner gives in to everything you want, no questions asked. One day he/she will get so bored as compared to the initial excitement when the feelings started to bloom...then, Poof.
The Love Bubble is gone.

Pursuing a long distance relationship is another funny bubble. Everyone thinks, aiyah, a long distance relationship is a sure failure, you don't get to see each other here and there, you don't know what the other half is doing there, is he/she been faithful? He/She might be having it off with others now that you aren't by her side.

But I don't agree. A relationship is based on trust. We need to trust each other to keep the relationship going. Even if you don't believe that you are good enough for him/her, you gotta know hows life like overseas without a single kin. And somewhere in his/her heart, you are the closest kin he/she has. He/she has shared stuff with you that she wouldn't share with his/her parents, siblings and friends. You two share a special bond. And once there's a friction in it, don't make haste and start to pull it in, both ends will break. Instead, move your feet a bit, till the frictions' gone, and you are closer to each other, and then you will realized that standing by each other isn't so hard after all. In fact, its so much easier than pulling your other half towards you.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Memories Flood.

Ever wonder what happens when the body falls asleep, but your sub-consciousness is still awake?

I don't really know whether its true, but then sometimes, when I lie on the bed, dreaming to sleep, ends up when I close my eyes, I see my memories flooding back again.

I remembered the time, the exact feeling when I first held a special girl's hand while crossing the road to send her home, though unintentionally, but the feeling got captured in my memories. That feeling of being special, holding someone's hand as though if you let go, you are not going to see her again.

I remembered the time, the feeling when I confessed to her how much I liked her that time and was about to tell her but i was late, on the phone. Though she was already attached, she told me she really liked me then. The disappointment and shock caused me to become withdrawn, as if a spell was cast to encase my heart in ice. That was the time when my world seem so frozen, as if a blizzard had just passed and frozen everything in my heart. I remembered for the next 5 years, no one ever was able to be there in my heart, cos the only memory I had was her.

I just walked away 5 years of my life, waiting for time to turn back. Which it never did.

Time passed. And the month before I left to come to this 4 seasons a day place, we met us for lunch with a close friends, took so many pictures again. Felt it was just like the old times. But alas, the night ended. We took the cab home, she asked me whether I still kept her picture in my wallet, I sub-consciously nodded. She gave me a photo frame with a handwritten note inside. Then she told me that while I'm there, if I find another girl, go for her, and replace the note with her picture. So I just said I might just meet someone exactly like her.

My heart moans as I write these words.

School started, met new friends, at the SSA dinner buffet, saw this girl that Kelvin introduced. Really shocked. A striking resemblance. Though not alike, the feeling was similar. But I knew deep down, my heart was still frozen, and she could never replace her. Well, just treat her really well, but as a younger sis would do. No more than that.

I open my eyes just, my eyes rest on the empty photo frame she gave me. I look longingly at it, then I realized. She had given me the key to unlock my cursed frozen heart. When I think of the photo frame, I can see her smiling face and dovey eyes yet again. But now its no longer a still picture, I can feel her warmth and her waving to me there.

I smile. And say to myself.. The key has already been given to me, and the door is already open for me to take my 1st step out...

I stepped out, the fires in my dark loneness has re-ignited.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Alamak. Being mute for a few days can help or not?

Haiz, I've lost my voice. I can't even hear myself speak. Tomorrow I better steer clear from Dale's path, lest he ask me any Software Engineering questions.

Went to Palm Sunday mass with Cynthia today. Had a hard time getting her to understand what I wanted to say since I lost my voice yesterday. Then after that went down to Victoria market with her to help me buy some beef, since Eugene and gang finished the whole bag yesterday when they came down for dinner yesterday. They bought me a bottle of wine. Thanks alot.

Got two polo tees from Adidas yesterday, Eugene wanted to get a bag, but guess he couldn't make a choice. both tee cost 30 bucks together, so happy got such a good bargain.

Day 1 of dumb-ness.