Birthday resolutions.. Ends to start.

Judith was asking me what are my birthday resolutions.

Oh well...what can i write?

1. Spend more time to graduate successfully.
2. Spend less time thinking of girls.
3. Read more self-help books.
4. Get a DSLR.
5. Befriend Life more.
6. Beckon Death more to some people.
7. Celebrate Birthday more.

Some friends may question me, why the 2nd point? The truth is, I'm still hurt from the last relationship. When you found someone you love and that person can let go of you and your feelings like 1,2,3 ...poof, It makes you wonder just how much can you trust a girl to be with her. I think currently, unless a miracle happens, there is simply no chance at all. I used to think getting a girlfriend was all that matters in my life, but thats now passe', it hardly or no longer appeals to me to see a woman and think of her as girlfriend material. Just more to an utter waste of time to think so much. This idea goes to the dogs.

Joan was telling me that most girls prefer bad boys...well its not the first time I heard it, but seriously, why should I contort myself to be like that? Whats the point? If some women like to be ill-treated, what can I say? If there is someone out there that cares for you, and you will completely drop him when your friends says so....I start to turn around and tell myself...why the hell was I being so nice to you for..?

Do you know...because of this, how much I really detest sitting too close to a girl now, friends are okay, but anything lower than that is a no-no. I don't feel shy, but I feel more to "keep me away.' And another thing, I do not gamble with money or go find chickens. So stop lubbing me together with it. In a way, I love every last moment of my last relationship, and I hate it to every last drop just as well.

I'm not queer or anything. But please... Gambling away what money your parents gave you to study is a waste. I rather gamble with something that belongs to me, etc; my life. I have been gambling with it since I was diagnosed with the illness. Telling me to stay put, do injury-free things. Don't exert myself...WTF. I'm not cut out for that. I rather expire happily then to be treated as a sick person. I wanna run, jump, fight, shout, snap for my remaining time that I can do all this, rather than lie down and wait for death to befriend me.

I want to live my life the way I want it to be before I go.

Syah.... Telling me that I'm trying too hard to be remembered. I don't even remember even wanting to be remembered by you. Just saying how's life to you if as good as asking you to tell me to F off. Have I done anything to you? Why I have a birthday party and invite you in the first place? Its not that I really wanted you to come, I only asked because someone else requested. You can enjoy yourself on trying to humiliate me, but I most of the time, instead of feeling angry, I often wonder what pleasure you gain from this..?

The idiot that keeps flaming me on my blog, do you not have anything else to do besides coming here when you are bored and hoping to piss me off? Please stop your childish behavior, though its not really like kids will listen much to what adults have to say. If you really think you are so right up there, try doing better things with your time like helping the sick or the poor, there's some freaking problem with your humanity. If your obnoxious brain still doesn't get it, try not hiding behind a computer or linking through someone else's blog to confuse me, maybe your brains are in your balls. If so, tell me your comments personally in front of me. Else, do get lost from my life and my blog, you have no right to comment on it.

Why are birthdays so important in my life? Because its there to prove that you have lived another year on the chart..the longer the years in front, the better right...? Why do birthdays have to be happy, why, you aren't happy to be living?

To the guys, when your girl compares you with her ex, how do you feel? You want life anew, but you can't let go.