Material ways...getting bits outta my heart!

Juz feel like blogging today before my 1st paper on Friday.


Beginning to see the sense in things..why was I so silly then to pursue something that comes by fate...? Being single is great. There's no one to look back for. I'm my own guy, I walk my own path, there's no need to stretch my hand out waiting for someone to come grasp my hand.

Realize so much things in life is so much of material gains. You work, you slog....whats the point? Others would say its to fulfill their dreams. Some would say its to give their family a good life. Happy family is the game. But think of it, all the time spent slogging your time off. Can you ever earn back what you have missed in your life amid all those years of slogging?

I don't like slogggin' cuz the idea's simple. I work so hard, I look back. I can see the happy times of people around me, but I'm not in the picture. After so long, there has only been one person who really cared about what I think, cared to know me better. Cared to know more about me..while all the while, I'm the one doing all the work, trying to find out things my friends love. Try to match those single friends with other single friends I have that are around the type of that both of them are looking for. Discreetly. I wanna see something blossom in my world.

I was really happy today when I saw that Adelin was getting engaged. And to none other then my great friend. Daniel. So many of my friends are already married. Ke Bin to his wife in the States. Weiwen and her husband on the 1st of June. Huiyi to her boyfriend in Sept. Yeah I'm not there.

Family comes First. Work Second.

Relationships have never really been much of a thing for me, when I look deep into my heart. I wanna be there for the person I love. But I'm always taken for granted. After awhile, I feel like I'm out of the picture...Juz there but not there. If I get to choose, I might want to apply for the position of a guardian angel, since I'm always there, but no one really knows I'm there. I wanna be the one who wraps my wings around someone I care about, to shelter her from the rain or the glaring sun. But when she feels something, She looks back and realized I'm gone.

I feel like this world is really an illusion. Happiness? Define it. How does one find it? How do you define your happiness? I'm defining my happiness in showing the people around me that I love them. What's the 1st thing I'm gonna do when I grad? I'm gonna give my dad , my grandma and my mum a kiss and a hug, and tell them how much I love them, not because I miss them, but more to knowing I should start treasuring those around me more. Then I'll hug my sister and brother, cuz to me I've always seen them as little tots in my eyes since I'm the oldest, and there's none else whom I care more for.

As for a girlfriend. We will wait for it. Was watching this show called Click. When it came to this touching scene of the dad who wasted all his time on work 1st, family last. Came the time when the angel of death claims him, he realized the time he has wasted but it was too late. I used to get the sad feeling, start sobbing and think of my grandfather. I was in school at the time he passed away. I wasn't even there to bid him goodbye.

I was too late. I'm sorry.

When I wanted to ask Cindy something.

I was late. I'm sorry for making you wait that time.

But now when I watch the show, I get this double feeling. the left side of my tells me he deserve it for wasting so much precious time. The right side of me laments for the poor soul. The result? A headache due to conflicting feedback at the same time.

I don't wish to be too late again.

I treated Yang yang to dinner at Cafe Nocturno 2 days ago. Convinced her that Italian food was great. But then when she started eating, I saw a striking resemblance to my 1st girlfriend. People say the 1st love hurts the most. But I tell you this, its also where u love the most. Both "love" to cover their face up, both are so damn shy. It's not lovable, but more to irritating type of covering. You don't listen to what others have to say. Cancerians. I've been hurt enough by them.

"I like you. Do you like me? Well, I like another guy. But I could try loving you."
"I don't think we can be together, I still prefer the other guy, let's break up. Be friends? Ok."
"U feeling down? I promised I'll be there for you, so here I am."
"I think I'm starting to like you now."
"Oh Ok. But I've given up on you."
("I'm not there for you because you need help. I was there for you because I thought you had decided to give us the chance to be together again, but alas, when you told me that you are beginning to like me, I knew it was just another cycle. I could just be dropped again when another cute guy drops by, or u think that you have the chance with the other guy. " I'm just disappointed that through the times spent when you were down, I was just another guy to u.)

My neighbor was telling me that she thinks that I'm a romantic dude. So I asked her why. She comments that I have the chocolates, cherries etc; stuff in my room to show. So I just nodded. But well...I think that currently I'm still too sick to go think about a female companion like what my grandma suggested. She highlighted not to look for any angmohs, hongkongers or cantonese girls. Think it must be the number of pics I took with guys that I sent to my dad, and my dad showed her.